Traditionally, the “no contact rule” is used to move on from an ex, so your old flame might worry that you slipped through their fingers. If you stay strong and follow this rule by the book (that means not even one random text), you’ll create a sense of mystery and anticipation. Not only does the “no contact” rule allow your ex some time to wonder if ending the relationship was the wrong choice, but it also allows you time to regroup so you’ll be calm and collected when you eventually speak again.
Make a list of what you loved and disliked about your relationship. For example, jot down, “He was always great at giving me lots of compliments and supporting my dreams. I just wish that we had more novelty in our dynamic and went on more dates. " Review what you wrote down to see if you want to move forward: “You know, all of this seems very surmountable. He was a really nice guy, and I bet if I handled the logistics, he would be down to go to more concerts or vacations. " Remember to prioritize your own self-care, too. Not only will you enjoy yourself, but when you brim with confidence, your ex may find you irresistible if you meet up again.
Identify your attachment style—were you ever distant and avoidant? On the other hand, did you ever feel like you needed continual reassurance because you were insecure about the relationship? Think about your love languages—did each of you express affection in the same way? Did you show your partner a lot of appreciation, or did you sometimes overlook the positive ways they contributed to the relationship? Consider your communication skills—did you speak up about what you needed, or did you sweep your concerns under the rug? Did you discuss matters calmly, and were you an active listener?
Try to sound like it’s no big deal to you:“Hey, stranger. 😊 Is it cool to text?” For a few days, or even a couple weeks, just give random updates: “Work is finally settling down, yay!” Then, bring up a low-stakes way to meet up again: “What do you think about grabbing coffee? ☕I’m free on Saturday. " If they’re not ready to hang out yet (or express that they’d rather not stay in touch), respect their wishes: “I completely understand. I wish you the best. "
Even if they look totally yummy, stick to respectful and polite openers, like, “You look great. How’s everything been for you these days?” Feel free to indulge in a little nostalgia to sweeten the date:“You are so funny! I love how we can always goof off with each other. Remember how wild we got at that wedding?” To keep the sparks flying, thank them for coming out and suggest another meetup: “I had a blast. Wanna get together next weekend?”
Decide whether you need more time to find your groove or if you’d like to be “official” again:“I think I’m ready to put a ‘relationship’ label on this. It just feels right to me. What are your thoughts?” Speak up about your needs: “Now that we’re together again, I just want to make sure we stay invested in each other. I’d love if we could have two special date nights every month. " Check in about what your former ex wants: “I know that you really value your personal space. I just wanted to reassure you that I’ll totally respect that. It’s important for both of us to enjoy our independence!”
If you two are slipping into old patterns, gently bring this up and offer a solution: “It seems that we’re getting a little distant again. I really love you and want to avoid drifting apart. Why don’t we talk it out, cuddle, and watch a movie tonight?” When you two have made amazing strides, shine a light on that: “We’re doing so much better this time around! Look at us resolving problems like total pros. " Take time to regularly assess your relationship: “Overall, I’m really happy we got back together. I know issues will always come up, but I know we’ll handle them, babe. "
If people ask about your breakup, you can just say something like, “It’s been an awesome journey. We were in love the entire time, and we overcame everything together. " Show how appreciative you are to keep the romance alive: “I’m glad you weren’t the one that got away. My life is better because you’re back in it. "
If you catch them regularly checking out your social media, it’s a good sign they feel nostalgic and are really interested in staying in touch with you.
Making promises without ever following through. For example, your partner might reassure you they’ll remain open and transparent, but they still keep secrets from you. Setting unrealistic standards for a “fantasy” relationship. If either of you spend more time describing how you wish each other would be like rather than accepting one another, then it’s a sign you’ll both remain unsatisfied. Playing the “blame game” and bringing up past mistakes. If one of you still hasn’t let go of what’s already said and done, then arguments will continue to crop up. Plus, accusations, jealousy, or frustration chip away at a relationship.
Play around with body language, too—for example, when you speak with your partner, lean in and caress them to build the sexual tension.
